MAT LLOYD

Stoked to have a piece in @saraprinslooart amazing ‘Its Okay Zine’ that’s raising money for suicide prevention charity Papyrus UK , the first print sold out in 48 hours but don’t worry you can pre order the next print HERE!!!  

"PAPYRUS recognises that children and young people are among the higher risk groups in England when it comes to suicide. As many of our members have been touched personally by a young suicide, we do all we can to raise awareness and mitigate risk of suicide among the under 35s.

In these strange times we can all feel a bit isolated and in need of a smile or two! My old partner in crime Matt Frodsham and I have been working on a little project that will be released this Thursday which will hopefully make you smile and hopefully make you laugh too.

Why Thursday the 14th? This marks one year since skateboarder Ben Raemers tragically took his own life. His family and the good people at The Ben Raemers Foundation want this day to be full of positivity and have launched #SMileForRaemers Hopefully we can all do our bit to spread some positivity and keep smiling!

This is from the first time I visited the VANS Europe HQ back in early 2017. I’d been asked to write a spoken word piece on the history of a Tribe Called Quest and I was flown out to the Switzerland headquarter to perform it on stage in-front of the whole VANS HQ team. I couldn’t tell anyone (not even my team at VANS) or share what I was doing as the shoe wouldn’t be released until the following year.

I put a lot of time, research and mental energy into the pice as I really wanted it to be perfect. I had three weeks to create it and I really think I didn’t listen, read or watch anything that wasn’t ‘A Tribe Called Quest’ related for that whole time.

I remember getting super stressed out when creating the piece and after a couple of weeks working on it and a few sleepless nights in a fit of desperation I rang my friend Nick @retailwhore on instagram (who also worked at VANS). I told him what I was doing and that I needed to read him the piece and get his opinion or my head might explode! I knew he’d give me an honest answer whether I liked it or not. When I’d finished he said in typical Nick fashion “It’s fucking amazing!” and I new I was on the right track.

The actual day of course went really well and despite all the sleepless nights, anxiety and nerves I got a standing ovation which i will never forget. The photos are from after the performance when I could finally relax and have a well deserved beer. Sometimes when everything feels too much or your head feels like it might explode, pick up the phone, it really is - good to talk.

PS. Here's a video of a live performance I did in London of the piece when the collection finally launched - Beats Rhymes and Phife Live in London

No one is a bigger critic of my work than me, no one.  Even as I sit on a plane on my way to the International premier of 'We Can Fly' in Vienna, a documentary celebrating creativity in skateboarding.  A documentary that I'm featured in, I'm still constantly wondering, 'Why am I here, my work isn't good enough, how the hell have I managed to blag it this far?'

The self doubt can be crushing, and it often is, but I've learnt to manage it.  I'm self medicating with a defiant level of positivity.  A metaphorical middle figure to the doubt that burns inside.  Some days it even fuels me, and whilst the self doubt is definitely still winning, I'm getting better.

I don't think I'll ever rid myself of the doubt.  The feeling that I'm an imposter, that I'm not good enough, but neither will I let it win.  I know what these feelings are and I've met many other creative people who struggle with the same self doubt I do.

We've just got to keep giving it the middle figure and using the self doubt to fuel the fire that keeps us moving forward.

"Original post written on 6th of October on EasyJet flight to Vienna"